


Closer

by ana_kl



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Trigger Warning: Matt's in an abusive relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,778
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25367632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana_kl/pseuds/ana_kl
Summary: It takes a while for Leon to notice how much Matt's changed.
Relationships: Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk
Comments: 10
Kudos: 163





	Closer

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone,
> 
> Hope you're doing well.  
> Taking advantage of this story to remind you all to wash your hands, wipe down your phone, physical distance and mask up.  
> You have the power to keep yourself and others safe; all you have to do are these things. 
> 
> Get creative about keeping in touch with friends without a mass gathering; physical distancing doesn't have to mean emotional distancing! Check out entrepreneurs in your area -- lots of folks are coming up with cool masks to wear and it's one way to support small, local businesses. Now's also a great time to get yourself some great smelling soap! :) 
> 
> Stay safe,  
> x Ana

Leon's a little surprised when it strikes him that he has feelings for _Matthew Tkachuk_ of all people but at the same time, it's a natural conclusion at which to arrive. As much of a pest as Matt is on the ice, annoying sometimes just because of how good of a hockey player he is, Leon would go as far as to say that he's sweet once he really gets to know him. He can definitely be immature at times (although this is a statement that could apply to most of the league), but it isn't long after playing on the same All-Star team when he and Matt start texting each other first with chirps, then longer, proper conversations. They start hanging out when they can after the games and sometimes even in between, with the other guys, then more and more just the two of them. And Leon starts noticing things about Matt without really trying -- that he's kind of cute, how much he likes the sound of his laugh, especially when it's been a while since all they've been able to do is text each other, how genuinely happy he is when he talks about his little sister and visiting his family back home. If he's being honest, Leon doesn't really mind on-ice Matthew; despite what he's said to the press and what he'll probably continue saying, this Matt kind of grows on him and he certainly returns just as much as Matt gives. But it's off-ice Matt he likes best, who's softer and sometimes even a little shy. When they're having dinner together on the patio of a sort of casual, sort of formal restaurant in downtown Calgary that they've been talking about trying for ages, it hits Leon a bit out of nowhere that Matt kind of has a beautiful smile, that Matt's kind of beautiful in general and he kind of wants to do everything he possibly can to make sure that Matt never stops smiling. 

Leon knows he shouldn't think too much about it, especially when Matt tells him excitedly one day that he finally has a boyfriend. Leon's happy for him, mostly because Matt's happy, and he gets how big of a deal it is to Matt. Even now, hockey's nowhere near as accepting as it ought to be, but it's never been too much of a problem for Leon who, despite being attracted to other men too, has only ever had serious relationships with women. Matt has told him about the couple quick "relationships" he's had in junior hockey with other guys, and that's about all the experience he's had until now. In the back of his mind, Leon sort of wishes that he'd gotten to Matt first, but as long as Matt's boyfriend treats him the way he should be treated, Leon will learn to live with it. 

He cares about Matt a lot, so of course he notices when Matt doesn't seem much like himself. The change doesn't happen overnight and Leon doesn't really think much of it at first. But he starts taking note of the growing number of times that Matt tells him he can't hang out, or he has to go straight home after media, or that he's really sorry, but he promised he'd Facetime his boyfriend after the game. Leon doesn't say anything the first few times -- he gets it, it's a new relationship, Matt's first real one, at that, and maybe they're still figuring things out between them. But it gets to a point where they're barely spending time together anymore and Leon might feel rejected if it wasn't for the fact that Matt seems to be brushing off everyone else too, and he looks really, _really_ regretful when he tells Leon he can't meet up. Instead, Leon's starting to worry a little. 

He worries even more when Matt seems straight out subdued on the odd times they do hang out, when it's the middle of July in Calgary or Edmonton and Matt keeps wearing long-sleeved shirts. They're pretty good at eating on program, even during the off-season, but sometimes they like being adventurous and trying the most ridiculous meals or drinks on the menu. It's kind of their thing. But suddenly, Matt won't drink anything but tea or black coffee with a little unsweetened almond milk, and he keeps getting salad without dressing, or cheese, or those crispy wonton strips that Leon knows he likes; really, he removes so many toppings from his order that he's pretty much just eating salad greens and grilled meat. Leon can understand if Matt wants to tweak his diet to give his game a different edge -- he's heard some pretty far out plans that other players swear by during the season -- but this just seems flat out restrictive and he hates how Matt always looks so apologetic when he explains his many specifications to the waiter. There's also always this moment right after when he just can't meet Leon's gaze and Leon wants to reach across the table and run his fingers along Matt's cheek to make him look up. He's still Matt, but in a way he's not. Leon still makes him smile and laugh and once they've been together for about half an hour, Matt looks like he's finally relaxed, like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders. But then he'll look at his phone and sometimes he'll go a little pale, and suddenly he has to go. He looks guilty and apologetic again, and Leon just wants to hold him and ask him what's wrong. 

Leon doesn't want to let himself go there, because he really hopes it's not the case, but this is also Matt in question and Leon will do anything for him. He thinks long and hard about when Matt started to seem off and he constructs a timeline. It's about two months after Matt told him about his new boyfriend that he says he can't make their plans for dinner, and when Leon considers it, it's about the same time when Matt stops volunteering information about his boyfriend unless Leon asks. And whenever Leon does ask, Matt always seems to answer too quickly, too tightly, like it's not really something he wants to talk about. So Leon lets it go, only now he wishes he hadn't. Because it's been almost a year now, and Matt's still wearing longsleeves invariably, still giving stock answers whenever Leon asks about his boyfriend and Leon still hasn't met the guy. He can't say he particularly wants to, because as much as he's tried to quell his feelings, he still thinks that Matt is beautiful and he still wants to know what it's like to kiss his soft-looking lips and tell him how much he loves him. But Leon manages to act against the more primal parts of his brain to focus on being Matt's friend. If this guy is important to Matt, then Leon wants to get to know him. However, wanting to befriend Matt's significant other soon becomes wanting to make sure he's good enough for Matt (because Leon quickly begins to think that he's not), to wanting to see exactly how he's treating Matty, to wanting to punch the guy in the face, because Leon isn't stupid and he can see the signs. 

He spends about thirty seconds thinking about what he should do before he firmly decides to do everything he can to get Matt out of this situation. He's just not too sure how. He considers getting in touch with Brady, but it seems like he should talk to Matt first, so he does. In retrospect, it's maybe something that would be better discussed in person, but he ends up texting Matt late one night, asking him if he can call. Matt calls him a minute later and Leon can immediately tell from the relative ease in his tone that he's alone. Matt's told him that his boyfriend works in finance and he's often away on business trips. Leon almost doesn't want to say anything because this is the most relaxed that Matt's sounded in a while, but he also doesn't think this can wait. For Matt's sake, it can't. 

So he asks. He isn't tactful about it; he just asks Matt if his boyfriend is mistreating him. He does try to keep his tone gentle and unaccusatory. He wants Matt to know that it's not his fault and for the first time, he's scared because he doesn't know if Matt, this Matt that he doesn't recognize, believes that he doesn't deserve to be treated this way. But he also knows that he's being blunt about it. He can imagine how Connor or Darnell would've started the conversation, with something maybe more polite, more subtle, inquiring about the relationship in general. But Leon isn't one for open-ended, sweeping questions. It's something he gets teased about and maybe directness is a German thing, like some of the guys say, but he needs to know because he needs to get Matt out of there. 

Only Matt's silent on the other end, and Leon's thinking that he should backtrack. Then there's something that he thinks sounds like a shaky sob and the next thing he realizes is that Matt's hung up on him. 

He panics a bit then and tries to call Matt again. When Matt doesn't pick up after three tries, he sends him a series of texts, ranging from telling Matt that everything's going to be ok, that he's there for him, that he really wants to talk about it if Matt trusts him, please let him do something, anything... 

Over the last couple years, Leon's gotten to know Matt so well. But he doesn't know what to do now. He loves Matt; he's _in love_ with Matt and the thought that someone is hurting him makes him feel unsettled, anxious and a little reckless, too. When Matt still hasn't replied to any of his texts by the next morning, he considers skipping practice in favor of driving to Calgary -- hell, he'd miss a game for Matt. But he's not sure where he and Matt stand right now, if Matt needs space, so he texts Brady, instead. He tries to make it sound as casual as possible; since he and Matt started getting closer, he's also been talking to Brady on occasion. They're not frequently in touch though, and Leon doesn't know what Brady knows about Matt's relationship. He wonders if he should say something and he's conflicted over doing everything he can to protect Matt and not betraying Matt's trust. In the end, he manages to ask about Matt without raising too much suspicion, or at least he doesn't think Brady's caught on to anything. Brady does tell him that he's spoken to Matt that morning, like usual, and that's really all Leon needs to know for now. 

He does his best to focus on practice, but it's hard when all he can think about is Matt. The entire drive back to his house, he's thinking about making a detour so that he can get to Calgary by the evening. It starts raining hard in the late afternoon and it doesn't let up, but Leon's pretty sure that he could still make it to Calgary by nightfall. 

In the end he doesn't have to, because it's Matt who comes to him. He thinks about Matt all day, debating whether or not he should text him or try to call again. He's just about to pick up his phone while he's pushing around the chicken, quinoa and peppers that he doesn't really feel like eating when it vibrates and lights up. Logically, he knows it could be from anyone, but he's quick to grab his phone off the coffee table. 

_Matty: im so sorry i hung up on you last night...and im sorry for just coming by like this but im outside your place & could i maybe come in?_

Leon doesn't have think twice -- he's not even really thinking other than getting to the door and getting Matt in his house and fuck, it's raining so much now; how long has Matt been out there? He opens the door and sure enough, Matt's standing there, his car parked on the street and he's soaked through. He looks like he's going to try to apologize again, but Leon grabs his hand and pulls him inside before he can say anything.

"Matty, what's wrong?" Leon immediately asks, not sure that he's ever been this worried about anyone before. 

Matt's alarmingly quiet for a moment and he won't look at Leon. Then:

"I-I broke up with him," he says unsteadily. "...You were right that he's..." 

Matt's voice breaks off and he starts to cry. Leon holds him for a long time, running his fingers through his now wet curls as Matt cries and cries and cries. He doesn't know what to say, so he doesn't say anything, but he hopes that Matt knows how much he cares about him. They don't say anything to each other when Matt's sobs finally calm into sniffles, but Leon keeps his arm around Matt's waist, leading him to the master bathroom, where he can have a hot shower. When Matt's in the shower, Leon lays out the most comfortable clothes he can find. He's about to add a short-sleeved shirt, but he remembers how Matt's been wearing longsleeves for months now and even though he's worried that he's probably right about what Matt's trying to hide and even though he wants to talk about it, he doesn't want to pressure Matt. So he lays out a hoodie instead and in any other situation, this would be kind of funny because it's an Oilers one. 

Leon changes too, because his clothes are soaked through with rain water. Then, he goes to the kitchen and makes a cup of tea for when Matt's out of the shower. Matt's favorite tea is white rose and Leon doesn't really care for it, but he always has a box for when Matt comes over. Just like how Matt keeps that really strong espresso from Italy that Leon's used to drinking back in Germany; Matt hates it, but he always has a bag in his pantry. He doubts that Matt has much of an appetite right now, but he double checks that he has a meal he can quickly heat up just in case. 

Matt looks tired even after he's showered and Leon's heart hurts when he realizes how small Matt looks in his clothes. They're exactly the same height, but Matt's a little less muscular and broad than Leon is. Still, he shouldn't look like he's drowning in Leon's clothes like he does now and as he realizes that Matt's lost weight, Leon really wants to find his so-called boyfriend and _show_ him exactly what he thinks about him. 

He forgets how angry he is when Matt looks so lost despite having been to Leon's place a number of times. Leon goes to him, closes the distance between them and gives Matt the hug he so clearly needs. Matt shivers a little in his arms, so Leon pulls him closer. He doesn't know what drives him to do it, but he softly kisses Matt's cheek and takes his hand to lead him to the sofa. If he's worried that it's too much, he doesn't need to be, because Matt's cheeks go a little pink, then he smiles for the first time that evening, leans against Leon's shoulder and lets Leon circle an arm around his waist when Leon comes back from the kitchen with the tea. Neither of them are really sure where to start -- Leon has so many questions he wants to ask Matt, so many things he feels like he needs to know, but he knows that Matt must be tired from the long drive from Calgary and well, from everything. If Matt needs tonight, then he's happy just to hold him like this, his dog also curled up against Matt like he knows that Matt's not ok. With Matt cuddling into him like this, it kind of feels like the Matt he remembers is back. 

But Matt wants to talk and after what feels like a good ten minutes of silence, he starts. 

"...He was really sweet when we started seeing each other," he says and he takes one of Leon's hands in one of his.

Leon lets him, adjusting easily to whatever Matt needs from him. He's pretty sure that he's not going to like what Matt's about to tell him, but he tries to keep his focus on the beautiful boy at his side, instead. 

"He made me feel... I don't know, special? Like there's more to me than just hockey... Then he started wanting to know where I was all the time and who I was with and... fuck, I should've known," Matt says self-deprecatingly. 

Leon doesn't like how Matt seems to think this is his fault and he doesn't like how Matt thinks hockey is the only thing he's good for. There's a lot he wants to say, but he doesn't yet, just pulls Matt a little closer and squeezes his hand. 

Matt tells him everything -- how his ex became a totally different person two months in, how controlling he became, how his temper starts scaring Matt, but he would apologize everytime the next day, so maybe it was ok...? Matt feels so bad about all the times he's brushed Leon off and worse still because he's done it to all his other friends too, and he knows that they're also getting suspicious. Somehow, he manages to keep it a secret from his family; they know he was seeing someone, but they don't know about anything else. It's insidious, how Matt's ex makes him start doubting that he's attractive, makes him feel like he should lose weight. Matt feels guilty about that too, because it could've meant compromising his hockey career. Matt feels stupid and Leon does too, because he should've done something sooner. He almost cries when Matt rolls up his sleeves and finally shows him all the bruises he's been trying to hide. They go across his chest and his back; some are healing, others are fresh. They're both pro hockey players and Leon's seen his fair share of nasty injuries. These are different -- there're too many and they don't look like anything Leon's ever gotten in hockey before. There's one that looks too much like a hand print around Matt's left forearm and Leon just wants to kiss it away.

Leon asks him softly and apprehensively if they're anywhere else on his body. Matt nods and shyly says he has some on his thighs too, and Leon doesn't press further because he knows how those got there. Over the last few months, Matt's become an expert at changing in private in the normally open team change rooms and things have only gotten worse now that it's the off-season. Matt's ex is calculating enough to know what he can and can't get away with.

Matt tells Leon that he doesn't know how he got here because he should've ended things a long time ago. He doesn't understand why he couldn't defend himself, because he's a professional athlete and he's gotten in so many fights on the ice, gone up against guys who are way more imposing than his ex. Instead, he just submits, eats what his ex tells him to, lets him take what he wants from his body, and he feels as though he's failed himself. Leon hugs him and tells him it's more complicated than that, that it's not his fault. 

Matt doesn't look convinced.

Matt spends the night and Leon wouldn't have it any other way. He ends up sleeping in Leon's bed with him and there's nothing necessarily romantic about it, but when Leon wakes up before Matt, with Matt in his arms, he thinks he could get used to this if Matt will let him one day. But the fantasy gives way to sobering reality when Leon realizes how hurt Matt really is. It doesn't make him think any less of Matt; far from it. But he knows that Matt needs to be able to focus on himself for now, so he does his best to put his attraction away.

The next day, Leon drives them to Calgary to pick up Matt's things from his ex's apartment and his own. Matt had said that he'd be ok, that he could do it himself and his boyfriend would be at work anyways, but Leon's not taking any chances. Matt admits that he doesn't want to spend the rest of the off-season in Calgary and he wants to sell his apartment, just in case. Without having to think twice, Leon invites Matt to stay at his place in Edmonton for as long as he needs to. It turns out to be for two weeks, before Matt goes back to his family in St. Louis. Leon holds his hand when he tells Brady what happened, begging him not to tell their parents just yet, promising that he'll do it, but he wants to tell them in person. Leon can hear Brady's voice as clearly as if he was on the phone with him and he's pretty sure that Brady feels the way he did when Matt explained to him what had been going on. 

They settle into an easy rhythm and it's like Matt's always lived with him. Little by little, the Matt that Leon knows comes back, but Leon's under no illusions. He knows that it's going to be a while before Matt really feels like himself again. 

He drives Matt to the airport and Matt hugs him hard before he leaves. 

"Thank you," he whispers. 

He looks like he's going to cry and Leon wants to kiss him. 

"Thank you for trusting me," he says softly, instead. 

Matt texts him pretty much every day once he returns to St. Louis and Leon does the same when he heads back to Cologne a week later. It's a long, rather exasperating flight, especially with his dog tagging along with him, but it's not so bad when he can snapchat Matt about it during the stopovers. 

They don't really talk about what happened -- from afar, Leon shows Matt around his hometown and tells him about all the places he'll bring him when he comes to visit. Leon hasn't seen as much of Europe as he really probably should've by now and he likes the idea of changing this with Matt. Matt lets him know when he finally talks to his parents -- he's never seen his dad that angry at anyone in his life. He starts therapy and he sounds a little embarrassed at first, but Leon tells him that he's so proud of him and Matt gives him updates on his appointments from then on. 

A few weeks before training camp starts, Leon gets a text from Brady, asking him if he'd like to stop by St. Louis on his way back to Edmonton. Leon smiles when Brady tells him that Matt won't shut up about him, but he's too damn shy to ask him to come and visit, himself. Brady's also thanking him for looking out for his brother; Matt's whole family is. 

He goes and he fits in with Matt's family like he's always been a part of it. For a week, it's like they're in their own world, and Matt looks so happy now. And when they leave, they leave together. Leon goes back to Calgary with Matt to help him find a new place before training camp starts. Matt ends up telling a couple of his closest friends on his team about what happened and Leon feels a bit better about leaving Matt by himself in Calgary when Matt finds a place in the same building as one of the guys around their age on the team. He knows that Matt can look after himself but still. 

Edmonton and Calgary aren't far apart and they visit each other pretty often. It's more than just making sure that Matt's ok and it's been more than that for a while now. Leon misses Matt and he learns that Matt misses him too. After a while, when he's sure that Matt's better, Leon asks him out. It's one of the most nerve-wracking things he's ever done, but he's pretty sure that he's in love with Matt and he needs to take a chance. He wants to show Matt what he deserves in a relationship. Spending the previous night worrying about how Matt's going to react turns out to be worth it when Matt blushes and smiles, readily accepting. 

Their first date isn't much different from when they usually hang out, and maybe that's how Leon just knows they're going to work. He likes who he is when he's with Matt and he loves Matt just as he is. Matt kisses him before they part ways and he looks so shy that Leon just has to kiss him again. 

There're still moments when Matt isn't quite himself. Like the one time he waits for Leon after the game they've played against each other and he looks genuinely scared when Zack heads out. He presses in a little closer to Leon, then he steps back again because he doesn't know if Leon's team knows they're together, then he steps closer to Leon again. Leon confidently wraps an arm around Matt's waist and Matt relaxes against him. Zack looks puzzled for a moment, like he's about to approach them but thinks better of it when he sees how Matt reacts. He still looks perplexed when he goes to Leon the next day after practice. 

"You and Tkachuk... Just make sure he knows I don't actually hate him, yeah?" 

Leon takes his time introducing Matt as his boyfriend to the team and it goes perfectly, even though Matt's a little nervous. Unlike Matt's ex, Leon will never be ashamed of him. 

He gets to kiss Matt all the time now, and he never grows tired of it. 

\-----

"You liked me before I started dating that asshole?" Matt asks incredulously, lifting himself up a little from where he's lying against Leon's chest, tracing idle patterns into his bare skin. 

"Yeah," Leon smiles, a hand on Matt's lower back and another on his thigh. 

He's blushing a little because despite the fact that he and Matt have been together for a while now, that he's told Matt he loves him many times now, that they've just had sex, there's something so intimate about admitting to Matt that he's loved him for that long. But he doesn't mind freely admitting it, even less so because Matt now has no problem calling his ex what he is. Leon's proud of how well Matt's healed; Matt tells him that he wouldn't have been able to if it wasn't for him. 

"...Oh," Matt says quietly, looking lost in thought. 

"What's wrong?" Leon asks him softly, running a finger along Matt's cheekbone. 

"I did too," Matt finally answers. "...I just... I didn't think you'd want me like that, so I tried really hard to find someone else and forget about it. ...I'm so stupid..." 

Leon's a little shocked too and he can't help thinking about what they could've had a lot sooner, what Matt could've avoided and how could Matt think he didn't want him? He sees the regret on Matt's face though and he doesn't like when Matt calls himself stupid, so he leans up and kisses him deeply. He tries to convey in his kiss that it doesn't matter anymore, that what's important is that they're together now and they have forever to spend together. Matt seems to get it because he kisses Leon back just as deeply and lets Leon gently turn them over to cover his body with his. 

"I love you," Leon whispers and kisses all over Matt's body. 

He's left bruises along Matt's collarbone, his neck, his shoulders and his inner thighs, but these ones don't hurt and because both their teams know they're together, Matt doesn't bother covering them up. He doesn't want to and he's left his own marks on Leon's skin. 

"I love you too," Matt smiles, wrapping his arms around Leon's shoulders so that he can pull him down closer. 

Leon goes easily and even as he hikes Matt's legs up around his waist and sinks into Matt's so welcoming body, he doesn't think they can get close enough. 


End file.
